“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

Oh if it were only that easy…

I have these anxious thoughts.  They are stupid thoughts.  Yet, it seems that I have let them rule my life in the last year.  So I decided to do a little research about this stupid problem of mine on my favorite website: What Christians Want To Know…  www.WhatChristiansWantToKnow.com .  (If you’ve never visited it, I urge you to go there, those folks have blessed my heart more than once.

I found an article written by Derek Hill. What does the Bible say about anxiety, a biblical study.   http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-anxiety-a-biblical-study/

It’s true.  Every one of us at some point in our lives has experienced anxiety.  In the last 7 years, I’ve had plenty.  The death of my husband in February 2006.  The death of my best friend of 48 years in August 2006.  The death of my sweet precious mother in April 2008 and finally my own battle with Ovarian Cancer since March 2010.

Sure each of these events was stressful… my anxiety level during each of these times was crazy.  How am I going to take care of my dying husband alone 1000 miles from nearest family.  How can I tell my best friend, that I literally knew since we were in the playpen together, that I couldn’t be there when she takes her last breath.  How am I going to wake up every morning knowing that the woman that made me who I am today isn’t going to be on the other end of the telephone.  Cancer???? What????  Me??? Oh that story goes on forever.  My doctor figured out after all that, that yes indeed …  it’s an ulcer.  Here’s some medicine.

But all that… that’s not my problem.  It’s something so small, by comparision, that it’s stupid.

A bit of a back story… you see prior to my husbands death in 2006, we had just started a business.  It was about 4 months into the business opening that he was diagnosed with Metastatic Lung Cancer.  His prognosis was 6 – 8 months.  I will not go into allllll of the gory details, suffice to say that he died 8 weeks from the date of the diagnosis in our home in Tennessee.  It didn’t take me long to realize that I had to buck up and do what I had to do.  Sadly though things didn’t work out as I planned.  The nature of our business was such that I was the technical person and he was the sales person.  It didn’t take long before the work dried up and the company went under.  After that I was able to find part time work and while I could meet my rent and most of my bills.  The one bill that I couldn’t make was my car payment.  I called the loan company in December and told them to come and get the car.

It was in February that I received a call from my Pastor asking if I could help out with the Widow’s Group at the Church.  I told him my circumstances, ie no car, and he said he would call me back.  I got a call from the Pastor a couple days later asking me to meet them at a car dealer near the church….  They, the Pastors and my Sunday Bible Study Group, had purchased a car for me.  It was tagged and titled in my name.  They handed me the keys to that car exactely one year to the day my husband died.

I still have that car today!  Hence, my anxiety.  My car causes my anxiety.  I know… stupid right???

I can’t explain it.  A few months back I paid a good amount for some serious repairs.  It still has an issue… nothing major.  The service men checked my car from one end to the other and declared it solid and sound.  So why am I anxious???  I DON”T KNOW.  What I do know is that I will stay in my house for days on end with a perfectly good car sitting in the driveway (BTW… I work from home)  I’m not afraid to go outside.  I’m not afraid to drive anywhere… I’ve logged 1000’s and 1000’s of miles driving back and forth to Tennessee to New England all by myself.  Yet the thought of getting in my car and driving to the grocery store makes me panic.

I also should say that I’ve recently moved.  I’m happy and safe where I am… and life is good.  However, since my move I haven’t found a Church home.  You see, I’d have to get in my car to go to Church. 

In reading Derek’s article tonight I realized that it isn’t about the car.  I really think that that YES indeed Anxiety is the work of the devil.  At the start of this year, I rededicated myself to the Lord.  I’ve made it a priority to spend time every day in prayer and study.  I’ve learned so much about myself and just how much God loves me.  So doesn’t it make sense that the devil would want to keep me out of Church?  It makes perfect sense to me.

So, tonight I got on my knees and prayed.  Lord, you blessed me with that car when my life was as low as it could go.  You’ve seen me through everything that has come my was in the last seven years.  So Lord… tomorrow is a new day.  Tomorrow, I am going to take a drive to the store.  And the next day I am going to go to that Church that I’ve seen on the way to the store.  And as for you Satan…  you can just step away cuz you are no longer going to hold me hostage in my own home. 

“…Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me… – Matthew 16:23